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The Declaration of Dependence |
1We the people of America hold these truths to be self-evident, that every living thing is endowed by its creator with 2an unalienable right to live and that its dependence on its creator does not forfeit its right to live. 3Therefore, a creator has an unalienable duty to provide for every dependent entity that a woman gives him permission to create. 4His duty is to provide it with the four things that it needs to live until the year comes when it is no longer a dependent entity. 5The four things that his entity needs for its entire life are oxygen, water, nutrients, and protection from external elements.
6For about forty weeks, its creator has an unalienable duty to provide those four things to its mother. 7This is because she is the only one who can give it those four things during that time. Its father created it and its mother gives it life. 8After forty weeks, the dependent entity is able to get those four things from its creator. 9If its creator is unable or unwilling to provide it with those four things, then he has an unalienable duty to find someone who will. 10If neither its creator nor its mother knows anyone who is able and willing to provide it with the four things it needs to live, then
11its creator is a deadbeat. This is because he has deliberately taken on a debt that he is unable or unwilling to pay. 12The deadbeat is causing a social problem that has a good solution. 13An orphanage can be established to provide the four things that dependent entities need to live until 14either a foster family takes them or they become independent entities. 15In order to prevent deadbeats from putting dependent entities into the orphanage faster than foster families can take them out,
16each deadbeat that puts his dependent entity into the orphanage can have a quick, cheap, painless, and unnoticeable procedure done. 17This procedure is called vasectomy, and it gives the deadbeat what he wants. 18After the deadbeat gets his vasectomy, every one of his attempts to create a dependent entity will result in an incomplete pass. 19Because of the vasectomies, each deadbeat will not be putting more than one dependent entity into the orphanage. 20This enables the foster families to take dependent entities out of the orphanage just as fast as deadbeats put them in.
21The vasectomy costs approximately the same as the medical procedure that it will soon replace. 22That procedure is called abortion and it is being done to the mother of the dependent entity that was created by the deadbeat. 23If a woman did not give a deadbeat permission to create his dependent entity, then 24our government has no right to penalize her if she chooses to take a pill that destroys his dependent entity. 25In this case, the woman is free to choose which of two crimes the deadbeat will be penalized for:
26forcing a woman to deliver or causing a woman to destroy. We hope it s the former, but we cannot penalize her if it s the latter. 27Once abortions are replaced with vasectomies, a new medical cost will be incurred by our nation. 28This is the cost of delivering the deadbeat s dependent entity. 29But this cost is approximately equal to the price tag on a man s ability to create dependent entities. 30The price tag on a man s ability to create dependent entities is equal to the cost of a medical procedure called vasectomy reversal.
31Therefore, a deadbeat may later regain the ability that he lost by paying the approximate cost for the delivery of his dependent entity. 32And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, 33we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
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